Pains In The Butt
Hold music is not an apology, it is a queue management tool
The loop, the reassurances and the periodic voice are all tuned against one number: how long you will wait before hanging up.
Debashis Panda
Editor, SuckButt
Debashis edits SuckButt and has never once got through an automated phone menu without swearing.
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27 articles
Pains In The Butt
Clamshell packaging: the box that defeats the customer to defeat the thief
Rigid plastic welded shut around a small item is a loss-prevention device, and you are the one holding the scissors.
Money Suckers
The free trial that needs your card is not measuring your interest
It is measuring how many people forget. A trial that requires payment details is a subscription with a delayed start.
Tech That Sucks
The update removed the feature you were using it for
Software regressions are not accidents of engineering. They are the visible edge of a decision about which users still count.
Tech That Sucks
Every app now wants to send you notifications about itself
The permission prompt appears before you have used the thing, because asking later would mean asking someone who has an opinion.
Workplace BS
The open-plan office was sold as collaboration and delivered headphones
Removing the walls was justified by spontaneous interaction. What it reliably produces is people wearing noise-cancelling…
Workplace BS
Reply all: how one message becomes four hundred
A distribution list plus a reply-all button plus a request to stop replying all is a self-sustaining reaction with a known shape.
Pains In The Butt
The traffic jam with no crash in it
A queue can form on an empty stretch of motorway with no obstruction anywhere. The cause is behind you, several minutes ago.
Pains In The Butt
They moved the bread again, and they know exactly where they moved it
Supermarket layouts are rearranged deliberately and periodically. The disorientation is not a side effect of the change, it is most…
Tech That Sucks
Locked out by the security system that was protecting you
Two-factor authentication genuinely works. The recovery path around it is where the design usually falls apart.
Workplace BS
The performance review that was decided before the form was opened
Annual ratings are constrained by budgets and distributions set in advance. The conversation happens afterwards and is described as…
Pains In The Butt
One queue beats five, and the maths is not close
A single line feeding several servers is faster and fairer than separate lines. Almost everyone still chooses the shortest one they…
Pains In The Butt
We attempted delivery, says the card, from a van that never stopped
Delivery windows, attempt records and collection points are shaped by how couriers are paid, which is per parcel and against a…
Things That Suck
The gift card that quietly stops being worth anything
A card sold for money and redeemed for less than its face value is a very good product, and none of that value belongs to the…
Money Suckers
The ticket costs what it costs, plus the fee for selling it to you
Booking fees, service fees and delivery charges on an emailed file are the clearest example of a price split into pieces that…
Pains In The Butt
You cannot hear anybody in this restaurant and that is the decor
Hard floors, bare tables and exposed ceilings look excellent in photographs and turn conversation into shouting.
Pains In The Butt
Nine minutes: the snooze button and the sleep you did not get
Fragmented waking produces a specific kind of grogginess, and the button that promises more rest reliably delivers less of it.
Workplace BS
Hot-desking: booking a chair in a building you already work in
Removing assigned desks saves floor space and creates a daily search problem that the booking system was invented to manage.
Workplace BS
The green dot is watching, and it thinks you left at four
Presence indicators measure keyboard activity and nothing else, which makes them a poor proxy for work and an excellent one for…
Pains In The Butt
The hand dryer that dries the wall and the queue behind you
Public washroom design optimises for cleaning cost and vandalism resistance, which is why nothing in it works well for the person…
Things That Suck
Glued shut, screwed with a shape you have never seen, and unrepairable
A device you cannot open is a device you cannot fix, and the decisions that made it that way were made for other reasons entirely.
Tech That Sucks
Sorry, I did not catch that, said the speaker, four times
Voice assistants work well within a narrow band of names, accents and phrasings, and fail in ways that are entirely predictable…
Tech That Sucks
The hardware is already fitted, the subscription unlocks it
Charging monthly for a feature already installed in the object you own is a business model, and the object is the least important…
The Internet Sucks
No thanks, I prefer paying full price, and other things you must click
Confirmshaming writes the refusal option in words designed to make declining feel foolish. It is a deliberate technique with a name.
Pains In The Butt
Addressed to the occupier, which is the point of the whole thing
Unaddressed leaflets sidestep the opt-out registers that stop addressed mail, which is precisely why they are used.
Pains In The Butt
The neighbour has a leaf blower and a strong sense of Saturday
Noise complaints fail because the rules measure the wrong things, and the wrong things are the ones that are easy to measure.
Pains In The Butt
Why the cable in the drawer tied itself in a knot
Spontaneous knotting is a genuine physical phenomenon that has been studied properly, and the findings suggest exactly how to…